May 16th, 2002 1:43 pm

Radio transcript between Rubens & Ferrari (LFC) funny

Posted by Edward

I grabbed this from

Message Title: Radio transcript between Rubens & Ferrari
Posted by: a.k.a. 'Jorg Muller' on 2002-05-16 at 15:26:56

The following radio transmissions were intercepted at the Austrian
Grand Prix. The voices have not been positively identified:

Voice 1: Rubens, you're driving great, just great, keep up the good
work. 5 laps to go now.

Voice 2: Thanks, Jean. The car is terrific, really great today! I
can't thank all you guys enough. Tell my mother I'm going to give her
the best Mother's Day gift of her life.

Voice 1: That's good to hear, Rubens. She's enjoying watching the race
with us. I'll pass that along to her. She's very proud of you. Listen
would you mind slowing down and let Michael win ?

Voice 2: Thanks for telling her, Jean. She'll be so happy. You guys
are the greatest, just the greatest! [static, unintelligible]

Voice 1: Uh, we appreciate you too, Rubens. You've been a big help to
the team. Michael thinks so too. 4 laps to go now. Uh, that gap to
Michael is still 3 seconds Rubens.

Voice 2: Ok.

Voice 1: Uh, Rubens, we've just heard from Michael again. He says the
gap is still 3 seconds.

Voice 2: That's great ! We've got 1st and 2nd ! Gracias, Dios mio !!
Incredible !!! [sounds of sobbing heard over the radio]

Voice 1: OK, Rubens, just 3 laps to go now. We need to make an, uh,
tactical adjustment here big guy.

Voice 2: [still sobbing] Sure Jean! Anything you say! How's my fuel ?

Voice 1: Don't worry, fuel's good. Listen, just a small change in
tactics. We want Michael to win.

Voice 2: Ha ha ha!! Don't make me laugh, guys, I almost missed my
braking for the Lauda corner. Thanks for breaking the tension. I
appreciate it. You guys are the greatest !!!

Voice 1: Uh, Rubens. I'm not joking.

Voice 2: [static, unintelligible]

Voice 1: Do you read me, Rubens ?

Voice 2: [more static, unintelligible]

Voice 1: Rubens, now we've been through this routine before. Don't
let's go through it again. Do you read me ?

Voice 2: Yes, copy that. I thought you just told me to bend over and
take it up the arse for Michael again, you slimey French toad.

Voice 1: Rubens, now don't be that way. 2 laps to go now, tele looks

Voice 2: It's not fair! He's got a zillion wins, I've only got one,
and that only because you paid that Mercedes sod 50,000 DM to wear
that silly sign and run across the track after Mikey boy screwed up.

Voice 1: Rubens, I have no idea what you're talking about. I have
someone here who wants to talk to you. This is Karl Scheister, our
chief corporate attorney.

KS: Hi, Rubens. Great race !

Voice 2: Sod off, you sick corporate [Oops!] !!!!

KS: You're looking terrific out there, really great. Listen, I'm
reading from your contract now, Rubens, and I quote, "Whereas the
party of the first part," that's you, by the way, "should overtake the
prime car of the party of the second part," that's us, meaning Michael
and Ferrari, "and refuse team orders to correct this situation, the
party of the first part will be subject to penalties which include
total forfeiture of salary..."

Voice 2: I don't care!!

KS: "...loss of ride..."

Voice 2: So be it!!

KS: "...and transfer of 'Sparkles,' mixed breed canine belonging to
the first party and currently in the possession of the 2nd party, to
an unnamed third party in perpetuity."

Voice 2: You bastards !! I'm still going to take this one home ! I've
earned this win !!

Voice 1: Rubens, I have someone else here who'd like to talk to you. 1
lap to go, guy. Fuel pressure looks good.

Unidentified voice 4: Rubens?

Voice 2: Mom?

Voice 4: Rubens, I'm scared. I can't see and I don't know where
they've taken me ! My wrists hurt ! God help me ! [muffled sounds]

Voice 2: Mom ? Mom !! You bastards !! You sick, sick bastards !!!

Voice 1: Rubens, Michael's asking what's taking so long. 2 turns to
go, guy.

Voice 2: OK !! OK !! You win !! You win !! Just don't hurt Mom. And I
want Sparkles back when the season's over !

Voice 1: No problem guy. Mother's Day only comes once a year.

Voice 2: Thank God... [sounds like sobbing heard]

Voice 1: And a contract's a contract.

Unidentified voice 5: Wooooohooooooo !!!!! I won !! I won !!!!

Voice 1: Great race Rubens.

Voice 2: Oh, shut yer big yaps...